My Samoa

I've talked about this a fair bit on Facebook and, I guess, it's my way of purging the storm that's going on inside me. Some of you may pass this off as melodramatic and over the top but this is what's inside me.

The tsunami and earthquake that hit Samoa last week has affected me more than any other natural disaster. It has taken my natural joy and hidden it behind a big cloud of pain for the time being. I've travelled around a fair bit of the world and I've not been touched by any of the countries as much as I've been touched by Samoa and it's people.

How do I draw a picture of the most gracious and gentle people to you? How can I open my heart and show you each fingerprint of the many hearts that gave and gave to me and my family and friends without expecting one thing back in return?

If honesty was a place and truth and integrity had a map, then it would be Samoa. The breezes are gentle, the waves that lap their shores are soothing and nurturing, the constant sunshine heals and no matter where you are, there is a silent yet subtle gentle breathing in and breathing out, like the rhythm of a gentle tide.

So to have nature wreak this violence on this beautiful Pacific island and it's gorgeous people is inexplicable. It leaves you with the feeling that you want to say so much but no words are sufficient enough.....I am bewildered. I am shocked. I am hurting for those people who have lost so much. I am hurting for the memory of a very special time in my life.

I'm hurting for the damage, physical and psychological that these people are enduring and I'm frustrated because I just want to pack up and fly to them - to help feed, to help soothe, to just help......and all my earthly responsibilities say that I have to look after my own family before I look after someone else's. Yet my heart knows that my own family will sleep in a warm bed with their bellies full. That I know they are safe and warm...and free from harm and danger. yet so many mother's are too shocked to mour the loss of their children - that they expect them to return any minute now with the kidnapping tide. That parents missing will turn the next corner, batter and bruised, but alive...... that homes will suddenly be back to where they once were and life can move on as it did last week and the week before.

Samoans have a very special respect and connection with the sea. The sea is their mother and provider and nurterer. It has a life of its own and has always provided.....and now the very spirit of nature has suddenly turned on them and destroyed all that they value. Samoans are not (yet) commercial or fixated on money, things, cars, jewellery and the like. Samoans love and treasure family and God. It is their way - it is fa'a. The Samoan way.

Homes can be rebuilt and furniture rebought. Faith can be restored but family stolen by an angry tide will never come home........and invisible places at the family table will never be filled.

I sit in my comfortable home, miles and miles away from this tragedy but my heart is there, dredging through rubble for lost souls, for skerricks of memories that will help put their lives back together again. My tears are with those mothers who had their young babies ripped from their arms by the strength of Mother Nature.

I think about Samoa every single moment of the day and I am grateful for what I have. But.....it means nothing really. I have my family and I've told each of them how much I love and value them since this has happened.

Grant and I chose Samoa to get married because we loved the 'vibe' that we got when we did our research. It's not Bali and it's not Fiji and we thanked God for that. It's fruits and gifts were natural, from the heart, from blood, sweat and toil....where the intabgible things were valued more than what you could get for it. We'd never been to Samoa.....we didn't know anyone who had been. It was untouched by commercialism and the dodgy hand of tourism. It attracted a different clientele......although elements of this were starting to show and, I guess, in time Samoa would become Fiji and Bali.

But not while we were there.....not what we experienced. Samoa seemed to 'be' what lay in my heart. It had wide open honesty and truthfulness. It was simple and happy.....grateful for simple things like food, water and family.

We sat and watched a man describe the beauty of the coconut. Ordinarily we would laugh at this in our "developed country" way but the way he described it, made me feel awe that he could live out of the fruits of one coconut palm tree. He described how the trunk and fronds made his home and roof, the coconut provided food and drink and afterwards, it was a bowl for his meal and when that was finished, it became fuel for the next day's cooking needs. He was still grateful that he was so lucky to have the humble coconut be the provider of ever single item of life that he needed. The hollowed trunk would become his boat when he needed to fish......the coconut oil for his cooking......the flesh for food. The husky coir of the coconut was made into clothing and ticking for mattresses.

How foolish did I feel after he had demonstrated all the many things he could fashion out of one simple tree that was so plentiful on his beautiful island? Why, then, would he want Adidas or Nike or anything else superficial? He has the perfect world. He lives next to a waterfall and is 100% self-sufficient but most of all, he is contentedly happy and what I would do to be able to have his simplicity.

I could write the many, many things about Samoa and I could paint a serene canvas of swaying palm trees and the distant sounds of waves crashing on a white sandy beach with the imaginary and sometimes not-so-imaginary sounds of Samoan men playing their guitars and ukeleles, singing in perfect harmony....... and that would be the first page of my album but there is so much more ........and these things are the smells and sounds and feelings that only people who have gone there will know.

It is these things that have been taken away right now.......the soothing sounds of waves crashing on a distant shore now elicits fear and that was one thing we didn't have in Samoa. Fear. We were the most relaxed while we were there.

I guess like a lot of people, especially those who have had destination weddings, Samoa is so beautiful to me for the sights, sounds, smells of my beautiful wedding to the most wonderful man in my world. The before and during and after of our special day lingers every day of my life. Not one day goes by without me going back to a moment or a song or an experience....

I guess the thing that feels like a sharp arrow entering my ribs is that all the Samoans I met and dealt with were happy in the purest sense......just always, always happy and at peace and it was so contagious. And now they're not so happy nor are they peaceful....and this is one of the main things that distinguish them from any race I have encountered.

Every single one of us has made a special contact with a soul, a spirit, a person, a place that we have felt a deep connection with - regardless of the time spent there. For me it is Grant.....and together, we have this with Samoa.

If every beautiful thought I have now sends a butterfly affect around the world back to them, then I will continue to send beautiful thoughts and prayers of love and strength directly to Samoa.

Samoa, oute alofa ia oe......

Like a beacon, dragging me to safety

In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape
Broken branches trip me as I speak.
Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean its there.

There's always a siren
Singing you to shipwreck (Don't reach out, don't reach out Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Steer away from these rocks
We'd be a walking disaster (Don't reach out, don't reach out Don't reach out, don't reach out)
Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean its there. (Theres someone on your shoulder)

There there!Why so green and lonely? Heaven sent you to me to me to me

We are accidents waiting ..................waiting to happen.

Poem to Shaz from G on our 1st Wedding Anniversary

A gentle word like a spark of light,
Illuminates my soul
And as each sound goes deeper,
It's YOU that makes me whole

There is no corner, no dark place,
YOUR LOVE cannot fill
And if the world starts causing waves,
It's your devotion that makes them still

And yes you always speak to me,
In sweet honesty and truth
Your caring heart keeps out the rain,
YOUR LOVE, the ultimate roof

So thank you my Love for being there,
For supporting me, my life
I'll do the same for you, you know,
My Beautiful, Darling Wife.

1st Wedding Anniversary

It's June already. I am a few weeks away from celebrating our 1st Wedding Anniversary. This time, last year, we had our suitcases open and we were on the cusp of leaving for Samoa. I would do anything to turn back the hands of time to do it all over again.

Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of a wedding photo and I can't believe we actually did it! Some days I catch a sideways glance at Grant and I can't believe he is my husband.

I'm a very reflective and retrospective person. I look back on life a lot. I think about the girl at school and whether she would have envisaged this life at all and I'm guessing she didn't. I'm not 100% sure what she had in plan really. I used to wonder about the Year 2000 and thought I'd be married with children and sure enough I was....barely married. Trying to keep our marriage going, pushing it uphill when all it wanted to do was take it's natural course downslide.

Boredom from housework drove me to a part-time job at Monash Uni. Not that the job was any more exciting but it gave me something to distract me at any rate. Who would have thought that this job would take me on a different path, one I had not planned.

My computer broke and he was the Techie who came to fix it. No fireworks, no rainbows.......just a very calm, reassuring soul with two massive dimples walked in my door. I felt an immediate connection with him although it wasn't romantic at that stage. I liked being around him. I felt calm myself and relaxed......we made friends and chatted through ICQ. Just chatted, about life, about the Universe......and this went on for two years. Neither of us was remotely interested in each other aside from being friends and that's just what we were. We were friends. I trusted him.

I'm not sure when the connection started to become more than that. I think it was around the time that I started confiding him that all was not well with my marriage and he was always there with an available ear or shoulder, having gone through a relationship breakdown himself. In jest, I had tried matching him up with a few girls but it never quite came to fruition. he was so half-hearted about it and never really seemed motivated enough to want someone in his life. He told me he had 'gone fishing' and wasn't interested.

We met for coffee in Borders. We laughed a lot and shared a large slice of chocolate mudcake with white icing lovehearts dusted on the top. It was either that or the custard tart or the flourless orange cake and I don't like orange. we mooched around the CDs and around the books, we had coffee. It was the most relaxed I'd felt in years.

I didn't need to 'be' anyone with him. I didn't have to be witty or charming or fun or anything other than just Sharon .........and maybe that was it. I can't remember what we talked about.....stuff and nonsense. By the end of that night, when I dropped him home, I knew something was stirring inside me but thought better of lifting the envelope flap and quietly drove the 60 kms home, happy within myself that I'd spent the evening with a good friend.

When my marriage had come to it's close, he was there totally in his capacity as my friend, to make sure that I would be okay, that I would be able to move forward. Not once did he make a move or hint that he would like anything more than just friendship and it was because of that, that I relaxed with him totally.

He started sending out subtle signs and clues that he had feelings but I wasn't sure if I was reading them right. So I asked him and he admitted it and said he didn't want to rush me as I was just coming out of a long relationship. I admitted that I felt something - just wasn't sure what it was as my emotions were being tumbledried at that moment. So he waited and we eased ourselves into whatever it was going to be. He didn't rush me and I didn't walk into faster than my comfort zone let me.

Now, nearly 10 years later, we're married! I still feel the most relaxed when I'm with him and I still feel like I can just be me. He makes no judgements and.......he makes me laugh. Sure, we have our moments (when he's an idiot....hahahaha), like every couple but the biggest difference with him from every man I've ever met and known is that he will not escalate the argument. He says what he has to say and then, always, reminds me that he loves me.

Grant brings me back down to earth. He also lets me fly and sometimes, he'll even come fly with me.

When we first got together, some people on my side were brazen enough to tell me to my face, "He's a great guy but he's nothing like what you're normally attracted to, is he?"......or....."He's awfully quiet. Do you think he's the guy for you?"

Nearly 10 years and 1 gorgeous wedding down the track? Yes, he is!! He is not the type of man I would normally be attracted to (and yet I am)......and yes, he is quiet.........and YES YES YES, he IS the guy for me!

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I.....

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Things I Would Seriously Like To Do To People Who Piss Me Off

I tried doing this on Facebook but it was too cumbersome so here it is.

My sister and I were chatting online today and we were discussing what we'd like to do to people who seriously piss us off and we accumulatively came up with the following list:

• Cut a raw onion and glue it under the desk of the varmint who is irritating you at work and wait for the smell to permeate. It is a very difficult smell to remove once it is present. *hahahahaha*...
• Dress in camouflage gear and sneak up to your neighbour, who is playing music way too LOUD at 5am, and rip out the main fuse and sneak back home.
• Turn the Gerni super high powered water hose on the same neighbour the following Monday morning as he is getting in his car to go to work.
• Buy weed killer and inscribe the word "C*NTZ" on their front lawn.
• Battery acid on the bonnet of their car - as above.
• Throw prawn heads in their ducted heating or air conditioning vents.
• Glue kitchen utensils to their windscreen wipers
• Glue their windscreen wipers to their windscreen (HAHAHAHAHAHA.....I love my sister for this one!!)
• Turn their water mains off and pour quick drying cement over it.
• Club them with a baseball bat full of nails and rusty catfood tin lids embedded
• Put a live match-head into every single cigarette that they smoke.
• Fill their exhaust pipes with 1000s and 1000s of caps and then wedge a banana in it. (What does that do?)
• Stir their coffee with a used condom
• Pooh in their desk and say "Who farted??" everytime you walk by...
• Put toothpaste in their haemorrhoid cream tube.

CAAAAARM ONNNNNN! TAKE US ON!!!

I DARE YA!!

When My Words Get Lost, My Pictures Will Tell You Where I Am

When my body is tight with the constant breathing in and holding my breath in life, I think of you............and I remember to exhale.

The Lighthouse Song

And I've been getting urges late at night

To walk and walk for days and throughout lights

Through people's houses, picking food from plates

Through people's gardens, picking locks on gates

So we are moving to a lighthouse, you and I

While seas drown sailors, we'll be locked up safe and dry

And though our doors may knock and rattle in the wind

I'll just hold you tight and we'll not let those fuckers in

And I've been leaving gifts out in the woods

That someone might stumble upon and wonder at their origins

I've been feeling like a fox with sad old eyes

Whose skulk has all moved on to leave the dark and empty den behind

So we are moving to a lighthouse, you and I

While seas drown sailors, we'll be locked up safe and dry

And though our doors may knock and rattle in the wind

I'll just hold you tight and we'll not let those fuckers in

I'll anull these little walls of attrition and these invocations

That's seen me holding my camera out at arms length

To self-document these new locations

When I should be leaning against you

Deciding on things to get done

And you should be leaning on fountains

And filling my space up and breathing the air from my lungs

So we are moving to a lighthouse, you and I

While seas drown sailors, we'll be locked up safe and dry

And we are moving to a lighthouse, you and I

Our beams will burn the clouds to beacons in the sky

And though our doors may knock and rattle in the wind

The wind...I'll just hold you tight and we'll not let those fuckers in