I'm not pacified any more than I was yesterday, sadly. Alex's attitude stinks bigtime and I find myself not wanting to co-operate or help her. How unmotherly is this? She manages to offend me and push my buttons more and more frequently to the stage where I just want to walk away and let her learn from the School of Hard Knocks. I want to help.......but i only want to help if she also helps herself.
Why does it feel like this is all so very hard ?
So........I'm in that place where I'm debating internally. "Let her learn by making her own mistakes".......or..........."You're her mother - you have to guide her". Thing is, she doesn't want guidance because she thinks she knows everything. In fact, she's sure she knows it all. THAT whole attitude, in itself, shows me how naive and immature she really is. Her choices, so far, have not really worked in her benefit.
What is it with this generation? They want freedom and independence and autonomy so long as someone else provides and pays for it? Just basic intelligence will tell you that if someone is paying your way, you are NOT independent, fool.......
I'm finding that being the mother to my 18 year old is not particularly satisfying or enjoyable at this moment.
I'm finding that my investment - emotionally and financially - is not paying good dividends. The financial planner in me then asks "So what do you do.........withdraw your investment and cut your losses or do you hang in there, hoping for an upswing which could possibly recoup your losses?" All I hear is the wind whistling through the rustling tumbleweed........no answer.
Part of me wonders if other parents are also cutting their respective losses with their "investments" or are their investments paying off and is it just me who's experiencing this? Is THIS what parents are supposed to do? I left home at 18 yrs and have lived an independent life so I don't have a benchmark to recall and compare.
I am angry and frustrated yet I can't pinpoint what it is that's bothering me the most........
Is it that Alex's priorities are foolishly organised and she is putting her future in detriment? All for the sake of having her car on the road. For crying out loud, she doesn't even have a job to pay for her petrol and I certainly won't be supplying that!
Or is it because of her refusal to help herself in preference to having a good time? Rather than look for another job, she's galavanting around the place - or so it appears from my vantage point - I could be wrong.
I'm just annoyed at her lack of motivation and dynamicism (is that a word????). I'm annoyed that Carl has bought her a car so that's another "gimme" that she hasn't had to work for and now she would like me to pay for her TAFE fees ...........and I won't.
Or is it because of her refusal to help herself in preference to having a good time? Rather than look for another job, she's galavanting around the place - or so it appears from my vantage point - I could be wrong.
I'm just annoyed at her lack of motivation and dynamicism (is that a word????). I'm annoyed that Carl has bought her a car so that's another "gimme" that she hasn't had to work for and now she would like me to pay for her TAFE fees ...........and I won't.
I'm pissed off that she has put our family in this position where the atmosphere at home is so tense and uncomfortable. Harsh words are exchanged on a daily/hourly basis and there seems to be a stranglehold with life, in general. We walk on eggshells until we can't anymore.......we try to skim the surface with the idea of introducing options but that gets batted away angrily.
I hate this! I hate this! I hate hate hate hate this! I hate this whole situation and I'm angry because I feel like it's been unfairly thrust upon me..........I'm done with confrontation and arguments and the dischord. I've done battle for so many years and I'm tired and worn out and fed up.
I hate this! I hate this! I hate hate hate hate this! I hate this whole situation and I'm angry because I feel like it's been unfairly thrust upon me..........I'm done with confrontation and arguments and the dischord. I've done battle for so many years and I'm tired and worn out and fed up.
I......................I.....................I...................it's all about I...............
I wish that Alex was more cooperative and amenable and open-minded and calm and approachable.
I wish I was anywhere but here right now.
I wish that Alex was more cooperative and amenable and open-minded and calm and approachable.
I wish I was anywhere but here right now.
One thing that always scares the hellO out of Courtney and that is when I turn around and say to her, "Do what you want to do." Of course I have the 'if you didn't want my opinion, then why did you ask' look written smack center face. She knows at that point she's on her own and that's a darn scary place to be when you're a kid faced with taking on the world. Reminds me of when Courtney, at 4 I think it was, screamed, "I hate you... I'm running away from here!!!" (She learned it from a specific tantrum/fit throwing girl in her pre-school class.) I took her by her little wrist, walked her upstairs to her closet, took out her little girls overnight suitcase, tossed it on the bed, tossed several days of clothes, socks and undies, oh and her favorite stuffed animal and a blanket. Took her by the wrist again... walked her down stairs and to the front door, walked her outside onto the front porch. Sat the suitcase down, squated down and proceeded to tell her a few things she needed to make it in the world on her own. (That if she encountered mad ravenous dogs she'd need to quickly climb a tree, and if she were going to drink from streams to drink water from rolling water; anything that I could pull from my brain on the fly.. Oh, how she could make a sign and stand at the intersections and beg for money for food was a good one.) I kissed her and told her she better get started because it would be dark soon and she'd need to find a feld tree to sleep beneath or maybe under a park bench. She stood there without saying a word while I spoke... in disbelief. I kissed her on the cheek and sorrowfully explained how much I'd miss hearing her singing while she took a bath, and how she waked me up in the morning with her sweet voice and angel like touch..etc. I kissed her and hugged her one last time and walked iside the house, closing the door behind me. Of course I stood in the bay window watching her ever move. She didn't... She stood there looking at the door with tears in her eyes. Then she beat on the door, yelling for me to please open the door. I did and asked her what was her matter? She whimpered... "Mommy, I don't really want to run away."
ReplyDeleteSome kids make it into their first apartment before they realize they flew the nest too soon. What's the worst that will happen? She may learn just how hard life really is without family support. But if she flies the nest, let it be on her own without your financial support. If she thinks life is easy, let her give it a winning try.
One thing is for certain... She still lives from your pocket, and therefore your rules preside. If she doesn't want to play by your rules, let her give life a try on her terms. Life's lessons will truly kick in then.
Just thoughts from a looney mom... :) ILY
By the way... I love the first picture you posted; it says sooooo much. lol
ReplyDeleteJust me again with my 2 cents worth. I wish I could offer some real pearls of wisdom passed on from my mum to me but I come from a single parent family and mum committed suicide when I was 17 forcing me to move in with an aunt I barely knew. I had to start from the bottom up with very little support apart from a roof over my head. My Aunt had said from the beginning that she was poor and not to ask to borrow money as she had none spare. I had to cook for myself and clean up after myself. Admittedly "cook for myself" often entailed microwave dinners so I don't think they count...
ReplyDeleteYet again I find myself agreeing with SimplyLisaLisa - I've never met her but she has a keen wisdom - while you are supporting her then everything goes by your rules. Only when she is paying her fair share of food bills, rent, utilities does she get a say in what goes on. You might want to bluntly ask her why thinks she deserves money for nothing...you don't get given money for nothing. Just remember Shaz that it will get better, that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train