I thought it would be funny to publicly let everyone know about my sister and her yoghurt thrush thing, okay? You won't believe what's happened to me! I suddenly - out of nowhere, like REALLY out of nowhere - got thrush????!!!! I haven't had this for over 10 years and now, after just casually mentioning it - purely to be funny - it comes out of nowhere! Not happy Jan. Moving on..... I think my sister got her majik juju doll and conjured the yeast infection fairies to rain on my parade.
It's so goddamn hot that I haven't got the energy or motivation to take pics and I'm afraid I've fallen off my photo-a-day journal thingy. I WILL get back on the horse but not while it's so bloody hot.
You know today's been a funny sort of day. It's culminated into a concentration of friends who are just having a shitty time out of life right now. I won't mention them individually - that's personal - but really, when I look closely, I can count five definite close mates who life is not being kind to right now. Thing for me is that I take on their pain and feel the burden of their darkness because, maybe for similar reasons and, in some cases, with no similarity at all, I empathise with their sadness/disappointments/hurt.I look sideways, like a confused puppy, at each of these precious women and wish I could make life different for them. I wish I could turn back the days/weeks/months and gently make them take the other course, the other path. In some of their cases, their path was already chosen for them......and there's no apparent or blatant reason for what's happened - only that it has.
I remember walking down my own personal corridor of healing and it took longer than the books said it should. I couldn't find that magic door to release the pain and start again. I stumbled, most days, violently rattling doors that just wouldn't open or opening the wrong door.......and frustration and resentment built up. I'm a control freak and I wasn't in control. No matter the decisions I made, it seemed like going through a maze that would only bring me back to the beginning to start again.
I know a few of my friends are going through this right now and, like my own circumstances, no-one can really help. You see, they are on this side of the river, trying to get to the other side, where safety and peace abides, and the perilous water in between is infested by sharks and crocodiles and water snakes and jagged rocks - and they have to manouevre through this torrent that rages - to get to the other side. That's the prize, you see......
I hope you are reading this and that you know that I am here and I am wading into the water, hand outstretched to help you and to try and help your footing as you make that first step. You're going to slip and you're going to fall and you're going to panic.....and worse, you're going to want to go back. .......and I'm your friend, in the truest sense and I won't let you go back. Why? Because I crossed the river and I am on the serene, calm side and it is so worth the struggle to keep your footing through the rage and through the confusion and still persevere forward - to ignore the dragging desire to turn around and go back to what you think is 'safety'.
I am feeling your hurt and your sadness. I can see it in your eyes and I know that this is not what you envisioned your life to include as part of your journey. Nothing horrid ever is planned, is it?
At various times during the day, my mind wanders to you - yes YOU - and I wonder how you're coping and what your internal dialogue is saying to you at that moment and what level of sadness are you feeling......... so know that I do more than just spare a thought. I worry and I care, genuinely.
I remember walking down my own personal corridor of healing and it took longer than the books said it should. I couldn't find that magic door to release the pain and start again. I stumbled, most days, violently rattling doors that just wouldn't open or opening the wrong door.......and frustration and resentment built up. I'm a control freak and I wasn't in control. No matter the decisions I made, it seemed like going through a maze that would only bring me back to the beginning to start again.
I know a few of my friends are going through this right now and, like my own circumstances, no-one can really help. You see, they are on this side of the river, trying to get to the other side, where safety and peace abides, and the perilous water in between is infested by sharks and crocodiles and water snakes and jagged rocks - and they have to manouevre through this torrent that rages - to get to the other side. That's the prize, you see......
I hope you are reading this and that you know that I am here and I am wading into the water, hand outstretched to help you and to try and help your footing as you make that first step. You're going to slip and you're going to fall and you're going to panic.....and worse, you're going to want to go back. .......and I'm your friend, in the truest sense and I won't let you go back. Why? Because I crossed the river and I am on the serene, calm side and it is so worth the struggle to keep your footing through the rage and through the confusion and still persevere forward - to ignore the dragging desire to turn around and go back to what you think is 'safety'.
I am feeling your hurt and your sadness. I can see it in your eyes and I know that this is not what you envisioned your life to include as part of your journey. Nothing horrid ever is planned, is it?
At various times during the day, my mind wanders to you - yes YOU - and I wonder how you're coping and what your internal dialogue is saying to you at that moment and what level of sadness are you feeling......... so know that I do more than just spare a thought. I worry and I care, genuinely.
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