Just being alive, it can really hurt and these moments given are a gift from time.
Just let us try to give these moments back to those we love, to those who will survive"
Isn't it wonderful that some of us have precious little pockets of recollections that, upon opening, release a powder puff of smells and sounds and feelings that just take you back to that moment and, for a brief instance, you're back there....and it feels brilliant! As time sails by, these moments turn from bronze to silver to gold to pure white bliss.
.... sitting in your bedroom, listening to your tapes of Kate Bush for the very first time and feeling like I had just had my eyes and ears opened for the first time. You seemed like you were this elegant and worldly woman to me, shrouded in a young 17 year old body. You just seemed to float above me, beyond me..... your skin was made from fine porcelain and your eyes sparkled with life and joy and you were so very 'different'. You intrigued me.....your unique literary abilities, your intelligence, your beauty, your laugh. I loved your laugh the most because it was effervescent and bubbly and you shook your shoulders when you laughed uncontrollably. I had left home and you opened yours to me. We shared your bedroom that summer with Kate Bush and Eve Arden and Estee Lauder.
.... sitting on the edge of a serene peaceful lake, side by side, each silently going through the autopsy and post mortem of our individual actions and the "where to, from this point?" The lake was everything that we weren't....it was silent and peaceful, crystal clear and cool. Rusty lichen covered rocks made the area feel eerie - not another soul in sight - just us. I remember making a nervously humourous comment "You haven't brought me to some nuclear testing sight, have you?" It accompanies the recollections of a lush, green forest.......and an antique cupboard with a long mirror reflecting a room which served as a retreat from the rest of the world.
"You'll never know that you had all of me. You'll never know the poetry you've stirred in me. Of all the stars I've seen that shine so brightly, I've never known or felt in myself so rightly, It's in me. "
..... you walked in, hidden by a bush of individually stemmed red roses with a grin as wide as the entrance to Luna Park. 80 red roses from the local florist, maxed your credit card, I suspect. Why 80? Because that's all they had, you replied. The nurses following you held the roses in a variety of vases and jugs - they didn't have enough for all the roses you had bought. Those roses said pride and love like nothing else could. We were a family and I had just had your pride and joy.
.... the smell of my freshly bathed babies.....oh Thank You Mr Johnston & Johnston! (how ironic??). Their individual chuckles still give me goosebumps and I cannot help but feel like my chest has fallen through my body when I hear a baby chuckle with laughter. God bless home videos so that I can recall and relive these gorgeous little ingots of time.
.... "I'm looking to the sky to save me, looking for a sign of life. Looking for something to help me burn out bright. I'm looking for a complication. Looking cause I'm tired of lying (trying). Make my way back home when I learn to fly".... Not sure how many times I played that in my car, over and over again, flying down the freeway to your home, leaving mine behind. The adrenalin pumping excitement of knowing I'd be with you in 20 minutes, 15 minutes, 10 minutes. That unsure slightly awkward moment of meeting because we were at that point of knowing that this was something more than just friendship but not knowing who was going to make the next move. Delicious!
Whatever I do is done out of sheer joy; I drop my fruits like a ripe tree. What the general reader or the critic makes of them is not my concern. Henry Miller.
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